More Than a Transcript

Commitment Boundaries

November 14th, 2019

By Angela Traywick

Tip #4: Talk to your kids about their schedules, both now and in the future. 

I think our high school students are doing too much. When I was in high school, most of my friends were competing in one sport during the year, and maybe had an after school job, either for pay or as a volunteer. I see kids every day who are exhausted. They are playing sports all year and trying to juggle that with participation in all the arts activities and are even trying to keep a part-time job and volunteer on the weekends. I have some seniors who are struggling to complete college applications and some freshmen walking around with zombie faces due to the long hours spent on their multiple extra-curricular activities. 

We have all been through it. Those days when there is just way too much to do and not enough hours to do it. As adults, we have (hopefully) figured out how to create boundaries in our lives and say “no” to those activities that will just add too much to our plates. I know it used to be much harder for me to say no. I would feel an extreme amount of guilt, that I was disappointing others, or that I would be missing out on fun or some great opportunity.  I now feel a certain sense of pride and satisfaction when I say no because I have finally found a way to maintain a balanced life. I want this for our students. I want them to understand that they do not have to do it all. Life is about choices, and sometimes it’s ok to take a break, even if you feel like you are going to miss out on something. 

I often talk to students about creating these boundaries and starting the process to phase out of some of the extra-curricular activities that they may be doing just because “everyone” else is, or just because they have always done it. Some have the misconception that they have to participate in all this because they need to fill their college resume. It is actually just the opposite.  It’s all about depth. Choose what you love to do and do it. Find the activity where you are really gifted and pursue that. I have had several seniors over the years describe the moment they closed doors in order to do what it is they really loved to do at a deeper level. It’s a pretty great experience for them. 

One college admissions site I read recently said, “If you are doing everything, you are probably not doing much of anything.” Spreading ourselves to thin just leads to exhaustion, frustration, and surface-level engagement.  Why not deeply commit yourself to one or two activities instead? Realizing the pressure that students are putting on themselves, colleges have even started to limit the number of activities that students can put on their applications.  One highly selective college application I recently saw has five spots. Five. For all of high school. I know some of our kids have participated in five major activities since August of this year alone. 

Let’s talk to the kids about commitment boundaries. Let’s leave some space in their lives for reflection, for prayer, and for deep engagement with that which gives them a real sense of pride and satisfaction. Think about how great their future lives will be if they learn these lessons now!