More Than a Transcript

Staying Calm During the Process

December 12th, 2019

By Angela Traywick

While there are still many college application deadlines that have yet to pass, most of our seniors have completed their initial admission applications and have now moved into the phase of applying to honors programs and scholarships. Most have even been granted admission by more than one college by now. Excitement and relief are the two emotions felt by every student, every year, when they receive their first letter of admission. And while there are always far more acceptances than rejections, those are also part of the process and come with strong emotions as well. I have been privileged over the years to be with many students as they open their portals and see those decisions, bold and glaring, staring back at them from their computer screens. “Congratulations!” “We received many more applications this year, and we are sorry to inform you…..” Regardless of the statement on that screen, my job (in my opinion, the most important part of my job) is to be there in that moment or the moments soon after. 

I have often said over the years that one of the best parts of my job occurs when a student gets rejected from a school.  This is not because I have a cold heart and am here to slay the dreams of teenagers. I have seen more growth from students sitting in those situations, contemplating the often random reasons of rejection, than in any other situation they experience in high school. For some students, this may be their first taste of rejection… ever. For others, it may be just one more in a seemingly unending string of disappointments. In either case, I am given the great honor to counsel them through it. Whether it is calling upon the statistics, looking into scripture, or discussing how we determine the value of our lives, each of these conversations is unique, but also the same in that these students are looking for comfort, to know that it is all going to be ok, and I am blessed to be in a role to help. The full circle moments arise when those students reach out a year or so later to tell me about the opportunities and positive life directions that have occurred, due in some part to that initial rejection. 

As parents, you obviously play a major role in this as well! I recently took an unofficial survey of the seniors.  I asked them to rate on a scale of 1-10 their stress level in relation to the college application process as a whole, and then to rate their parents’ stress level on the same scale. Most of the kids reported low levels of stress for themselves, but high levels of stress for their parents. This was not very surprising to me. I have worked really hard to keep a positive, stress-free perspective when it comes to college admission at Covenant, and within these walls are where students spend the majority of their day to day lives. It is always my strongest hope that this view of the process is what they will adopt.  As a parent who is exposed to the Today Show, other parents in the parking lot, and the Wall Street Journal, it may be much harder for you, and I get this. 

If you have older students who have graduated from Covenant, you may have seen a TV clip that I used to show at my parent meetings.  It’s from the show “The Middle” where the mom (Frankie) of a junior (Axl) gets ambushed by two other moms in the parking lot. While Frankie is blissfully helping to decorate for the homecoming parade, the other moms are focused on nothing but the PSAT. Stories of PSAT “failures” in high pitched, panicked tones bring the usually calm Frankie to a state of frenzy, worrying that if Axl doesn’t do well on the PSAT, his only life option will be removing roadkill from local highways. All of this as the result of one single parking lot conversation.  

As I work to keep the calm, the perspective, the comfort in my office for the seniors I work with, I am blessed with the knowledge that I am not alone in this endeavor. Your words of encouragement are heard by them.  Your words of wisdom and life perspective are absorbed by them. Even when you think their eyes are glazed over and there is no way they could be listening to you, know that they are. So if you are worried about the college admission process for your child, or if you are finding yourself engaged with parking lot conversations that leave you feeling more terror than comfort, I urge you to find the perspective. I urge you to remember that it really is going to be ok. I urge you to sit in my office and allow me to help calm you with the facts. The worst-case scenario in college admission is rejection, and rejection could be one of the greatest gifts we could ask for. Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly.