Dr. Cristina Sevadjian

Hi Covenant Friends,

It finally feels like we've fully entered the spring semester after the holidays, ice days, and Monday breaks. I’m sure many of you feel the same! Today, I want to talk about a topic that has been on my mind a lot lately.

When I meet new people and explain that I’m a child and adolescent psychologist, I often get a predictable question: “What trends are you seeing in children today?” It’s a great question, and because I’m passionate about my work, I love answering it. Today, I want to share my current response.

My deepest concern for the upcoming generation is that we are not preparing them as well as we could for life. At Sparrow House, my colleagues and I frequently work with college students who struggle with the social, emotional, and life skills needed for adulthood. As a culture, we place a strong emphasis on getting them into the “right” colleges—which varies by family. In pursuit of this goal, we can focus heavily on GPA, advanced classes, SAT/ACT tutoring, and extracurricular activities to build résumés.

While none of these pursuits are inherently problematic, an overemphasis on them often leads to other essential skills being neglected. In my 20+ years as a psychologist (I know, I’m dating myself here), I’ve worked with hundreds of adolescents. Time and again, I hear college students say they feel overprepared academically. Many are even disappointed, describing college as “so easy.” There is almost a disillusionment that comes along with that statement, and these are young adults attending state schools, private colleges, and Ivy League colleges. In summary, they are academically overprepared but underprepared in social, emotional, and life skills, leading to significant struggles in various aspects of life.

So what does this mean for us? We need a slight shift in our approach—one that begins early. This shift can’t happen just a year or two before college; that’s not enough time for the necessary development to take place. However, it’s never too late to start. I could write volumes on this topic, but for now, I’ll summarize the key areas where we should allow greater independence while offering support:

• Solving practical problems
• Resolving conflicts with peers
• Developing coping skills for life’s challenges
• Talking with adults (teachers, coaches) independently
• Engaging in household chores
• Taking on difficult tasks
• Holding summer jobs with non-family employers

Often, we handle these tasks for our children so they can focus more on academics, sports, and extracurriculars—activities we believe will help them get into college or lead to a better life. But in doing so, we may be unintentionally holding them back from developing critical life skills.

A timely example of this in our community is Declamation. Last week, in the Covenant Copy, Melissa Hill did a fantastic job outlining the many academic benefits of Declamation. I want to highlight how it also relates to our topic at hand. Declamation allows our children to learn how to cope with stress and some positive anxiety that comes with performance—something they will encounter throughout life. It also helps them develop resilience, as they may not always get the results they hope for despite hard work and effort. Additionally, it encourages problem-solving as they figure out how to prepare for a challenge.

Beyond personal growth, it provides valuable social lessons, teaching children how to celebrate a friend’s success, even when they didn’t perform as well as they hoped. For parents, it gives us the opportunity to support our children through stress without immediately stepping in to fix it for them.

In the midst of this busy parenting season, my prayer is that we can assist our children grow through these experiences. By allowing them to work through challenges, they will come out the other side with greater confidence and competence—skills that will serve them for a lifetime.