Dr. Cristina Sevadjian

The Advent season is meant to be a wonderful time of the year to reflect and slow down as we await the coming of our Savior! Practically speaking, it can feel just the opposite in family life. Older children are preparing for finals and the pace of activities seems intense. Activities that are meant to be times of fun and fellowship can in reality be difficult for younger children as we push back bedtimes and allow for less time to rest. For parents, we are often balancing lots of holiday commitments while trying to prepare our homes and families for the holidays. All of these well-intentioned activities can end up feeling quite overwhelming and stressful. This time of year, I always feel I need a refresher on preparing myself for the season and helping my children manage stress. Even as a psychologist, I can easily miss the signs of stress in myself and the people in my family.

For younger children some signs of stress are more frequent meltdowns, difficulty going to bed at night, increased irritability, greater difficulty following directions, and increased conflict with parents/siblings. To help our children, we may have to say no to some really fun activities because the pace is just too much for them. We may also need to ensure more free play outside, which research demonstrates reduces stress in children. Finally, we may need to make sure bedtimes stay consistent. I know we had some behavior challenges when my five-year-old was up until 9:30pm two nights in a row as I was preparing to have the office Christmas party at my house.

For preteens and teens some signs of stress include difficulty with sleep, increased irritability, increased conflict with parents, crying, voicing they feel overwhelmed, avoiding schoolwork, and forgetfulness. As teens are preparing for finals it is helpful to check in with them (but not the night before a big exam) regarding their expectations of themselves. Many high achieving teens can create expectations that are unreasonable. It is very challenging to expect an A on a final for a class that you have consistently earned a B in. These unrealistic expectations can create so much stress that it hinders a teen’s performance. When you realize they have an expectation that is extreme or unrealistic, it can be helpful to talk about how unrealistic expectations can impact their performance. Next, have an open discussion about how to shift those expectations to a more achievable goal or perhaps a new goal for the spring semester. Even students who do not create these types of expectations for themselves may need help managing stress related to exams. Encourage them to take study breaks and listen to music, sit outside, take the dog for a walk, or drink some tea. Additionally, encourage good sleep and nutrition the week of finals.

As I have commented before, our children can only manage stress as well as we can. As we continue in this Advent, find small ways and moments to appreciate the season amidst all the preparation and events. Short devotionals, reflections, and acknowledging the immense gratitude we all feel for our Savior’s birth can help lower the stress of the season as well as give us a renewed perspective. At times saying no to good things can alleviate the frenzy of the season. Praying that this community feels the peace, comfort, and excitement as we remember our Savior’s birth at Christmas!